Silence over a Year

It’s been one year and sixteen days since I last wrote a blog. An eternity in the world of the internet. And a way to make oneself irrelevant in that same media. But it’s been one of those kinds of years in my life. During these 381 days, I’ve come to understand a number of things important to my well-being.  Maybe they will strike a cord with you, too.

The World Now has too many words:

I’ve been exhausted by the amount of words and media coming at me every day. Some of this is because I am an introvert and prefer more quiet moments, but in reality I get hundreds of emails a week in my workplace, notices on Facebook, and thousands of 140 character blurbs scroll past my Twitter feed in the same time frame. Everyone wants something of me and I have only a finite amount of time to read, respond and give to these requests. So I have been quiet in adding my own words to the mix.  One more voice in a expanding universe of words that is growing, as Buzz Light Year heralds, “to infinity and beyond.”

Learning to Focus in the Universe of Words:

While the amount of words is overwhelming to me, I’ve learned another lesson. Focus on the words and the ones sharing them that make the most sense to you and to the value they add to life and well-being. I follow less than 100 people on Twitter. I know you are supposed to follow many in exchange for those following you, but in the sea of words that are essential for me to know and understand, I don’t need to see someone’s food, hear of their latest breakup, or read political banter and prejudices that don’t really add to public debate or resolution of the world’s ills. I am looking for thoughts and suggestions that add meaning to life. So I follow the few I’ve found that add quality.  And I tweet or pass along this information only if it will be of value to another. I also discriminate Facebook friendship requests. I have over 200 requests sitting in my inbox. My method of screening is “If I wouldn’t sit and have an extended coffee break in conversation, I probably would not “friend” you.  I know we may have many people in common, but I value time together….not more words about things without meaningful conversation.  In Facebook, I even created a category called “Who I want to See.” I’ve gone through my entire FB friend list and checked those I want in this category.  I now go to it regularly as the place to start.  I may get to the trending or most recent, but those I want to see get priority.

Focus on Family and Relationships:

Over the past four years of my life, my mother and my in-laws have died. It is that age in life (now I’m 60) when all rapidly changes.  I’ve decided that focusing on family has the greatest rewards and benefits. I know focus on my children, grandchildren, siblings, and my dad….who is the last. I love him and want to spend quality time with him. I’ve learned it all changes in a telephone call. I want to live my life with no regrets when asked to give a eulogy. No relationship regrets….say it all when the time is right and live it all when the moments are present. My dad, who is in his 80s, reminds me that every day is a gift…no guarantees. I am applying this wisdom to every relationship I have right now.  No waiting.

Attending to the work that matters:

As I said, I’m 60. I may have six to eight active working years remaining. I want to give value to these years. Thus I am focusing in my work on what matters to future generations. I have the privilege of working in higher education. My current focus is on reducing student debt through a major grant. I know that a student going to college will earn in a lifetime at least 50% more than those who do not. But that comes with a price they should also not have to bear. My work is now focused on helping them graduate with little to no debt. That is a major gift. Also, I am focusing on those things that will give me joy in my retirement years. Peter Drucker counseled to create your second career while in your first. I am focusing now more on research, writing, and those hobbies that I’ve had on the side for a few years. I am also attending to my financial matters of retirement. My wife and I know the realities of a less than well financed retirement as we have witnessed it in others we know and in family members. It is heartbreaking to watch…make this a priority of life from age twenty…it does matter.


What can I say…health matters. If you are not healthy all the rest is irrelevant. I’ve watched vibrant, active people reduced to a bed in semi conscious states and pain over this past year. When your health goes, all the rest is totally irrelevant.  Period.

I trust 2015 will be a great year for those who read this blog. I hope in it there is wisdom for yourself and others. I plan on continuing action on what I’ve learned in the last 381 days. May you also find what matters and stick to it. Grace and peace to you in this opening day of 2015.

A Sacred Conversation

The hours went by very quickly sitting in a private hospital room.  The hours cascaded seamlessly as I sat with my college roommate discussing health, the past, what has transpired already, and the future.  He was there for a knee replacement, the result of years of wrestling (where he was a collegiate champion).  The surgery would hopefully return him to some freedom from pain that he had experienced for most of his adult life.

But the time was more than talking about injuries (mine included which resulted from a fall that shattered my femur just a year earlier).  Our time was filled with remembering our roommate days (and laughing about them) and it was filled with the lessons learned to date.  We talked of friendship, perserverance in life, passions, things beyond our control, contentment, and legacy; all of it to consider what the two of us together and individually have given to the world as our payment for being in it.

The best conversation came when Rick asked, “What is your burn?”  I knew what he meant.  What is the passion that burns in my heart.  As a good coach, he has asked that of hundreds of student athletes; now he was asking me.  It hasn’t changed over the years.  My passion is education through a number of venues; teaching at the university level, writing, and teaching in the life of the church.  If there is one that has become more essential for me in the past five years, it is the area of discipleship education in the life of the church;  helping people not just know something about scripture, but make sure they integrate into their daily lives.  And, not just to have an opinion about something, but to have a solid foundation of why they believe what they believe.  Too much meaningless talk in this world, as noted in the New Testament letter to Titus.   Too many talking-heads available 24-7 telling us what and who to believe.  So my passion is helping people understand what they believe SO THAT they might discern what is true, noble, excellent, and worthy of our energy in these complicated days.

The conversation ended with what have we done in this world; what lessons had we learned.  We both agreed that we have learned to be content in life; to savor what has been given to us, to embrace what happens every day, to be present in the moment and not worry about what is not yet realized.  Our experiences have taught us that today is the day, even if we have plans for tomorrow.  We were in sync as we both realized that we are only a cog in the vast machine of the universe, playing out our part for a minute or two in the scope of the history of the universe.

We agreed that what we offer each day, to the best of our abilities, with “kind and generous hearts” (as Mr. Hoggett said to Babe) is all we can do in our four score of life, if we should be so lucky to get them.  I was deeply blessed to be in the room with my former college roommate.  It has been 34 years since we shared a dormitory room, but our hearts are kindred and linked nontheless.  It was a sacred moment for me (and I trust too for Rick), one that will be etched in my soul for years ahead.

Blessings to you, dear reader, for this day and those to come.  Grace and peace.


You Have Every Drop There Is

            “Sorry, I don’t have enough time.”  That always amuses me when I hear it expressed.  I know—it’s just a colloquialism that rolls off our tongues when we feel overwhelmed.  But the reason it humors me is because I’m not actually sure where we get more time.  I cannot purchase it at the Time Store over on 33rd and Vine or save it from one day to the next.  Nor can I borrow it from my closest friend or neighbor like a cup of sugar or garden tool (and I cannot return it when I am finished with it).  And sadly, I may not live long enough to use or enjoy what I had expected was my “guaranteed” time on this planet.  

Simply put, time usage is about personal choices, daily choices of how to expend 86,400 seconds, 1,440 minutes or 24 hours.  The choices, I believe, come from our attitudes about time and our willingness to set goals that take us to our desired destinations.  I believe ultimately, daily time usage rests firmly on one’s personal mission statement; the written principle about what matters in the world.  (BTW, if you want to see how to write a personal mission, visit my archive blogs—“Living Well.”  You will find the map for it.)

            I don’t claim to be a time guru (there are plenty of them like David Allen, Brian Tracy, and Stephen Covey), but I do consider myself an effective time management practitioner.  I have learned that having a personal mission, changing your attitude about goals, and recapturing squandered time is not complicated but it does take a commitment of balancing life demands.  It is as simple and complex as Covey elegantly writes, “It is about putting 1st things 1st.” 

            What follows are some suggestions from me as a practitioner for managing time and life.  These suggestions are my self-designed amalgamated system of Peter Lowe-Stephen Covey-Priority Systems-Denis Waitley-Brian Tracy-David Allen that I have personally used for about 25 years.  There may be some specific time guru you love more than others.  If so, follow their advice and implement their wisdom.  But, if you don’t have a guru, try this practitioner’s hybrid of ideas for garnering time and balancing life.  I have used them and know they work.

1.      Determine the difference between what you want as balance and priorities in your life and where you actually spend your time.  Drawing two pie charts can reveal this.  In the first pie chart, divide it by proportions or percentages of what are the important things in your life—family, friends, hobbies, work, community volunteerism, etc.  Then in the second pie chart, divide it proportionally by how you actually spend the 24 hours you have each day.  Compare the results after completing this exercise.  Do the pie charts match?  What are the most glaring differences between what is important to you and how you use your time?  This is a starting point—the awareness—for setting a course correction.  It is like knowing where you spend your money.  Want a clue of that?  Spend some time reviewing your check book or bank statement.  It doesn’t lie.

2.      Write a personal mission statement.  I provide the outline for this in my previous blog, “Living Well.”  Look it up, begin the process and write out your personal mission with life legacy goals attached.  What does this personal mission tell you about how to use the time you have available?  What changes will help you become effective in your time usage as you match what you hope to become in life with how you are currently using your time?

3.      Write down your goals.  Unfortunately, most people do not have written goals.  Not having written goals makes those that may be rattling around in your mind nothing more than a “Wish List.”  Goals are tangible and real only when they are on paper.  They represent visually how we will use our time.

4.      Give priority to those activities in your life that are important to you.  Set your calendar by these priorities first (making “1st Things 1st”).  Place all your other appointments around these priority activities.  You must schedule priorities just like any other appointment.  If you do not, they will not be acted upon because they are not urgently screaming at you for completion.  And quite frankly, “Out of sight….out of mind.”

5.      Break down your goals into smaller manageable units.  If your goals do not have tasks, it is too easy to put off starting on your goals because they might be vague in your mind.  Having tasks breaks down your goals into details that must be accomplished if you are to succeed at living well.  Task lists help you determine the amount of time needed for each goal.  The adage, “How do you eat an elephant?” Answer, “One bite at a time” applies to this suggestion.  

6.      Deadlines are an essential element for the completion of your goals.  So often, we start working on our goals with open-ended time frames.  Thus we may start, but because we do not have a time deadline, we put off tasks and steps until they become urgent or a crisis.  When our goals reach that stage they become personal stressors that create anxiety or frustration.  Set the deadline and then work backwards, determining checkpoints along the way that have to be completed with your time resource in order for you to reach the goal.  Plus, knowing the deadline builds in time for “what ifs” that may add stress at the last minute.

7.      Do something daily related to your goals and tasks.  This seems so elementary, but is essential.  We have a tendency as humans to love the process but forget the action needed at the end of the process.  Action is the critical factor.  “Without action,” futurist Joel Barker notes, “we are just passing time.”  Make a choice every day to use your time well and be action oriented.

8.      Make a list of your personal “Time Bandits.”  These bandits are uses of time that sap us of this tremendous finite resource (remember, you cannot get more time tomorrow, more than 24 hours; you have all there is).  Some time bandits at work might be unfocused meetings, cluttered desk, and decision traps like procrastination, the telephone, Email, undefined projects or vague delegation.  But also consider your time bandits at home, like excessive computer usage (Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter; all enjoyable activities but they can easily amass hours of unfocused use of time), watching television, procrastination, and frittering away time on unfocused activities.  Your personal “Time Bandits” are different from mine.  But a personal self-examination will reveal your time leakage.

9.      Balance the urgent with the not urgent (a Coveyism—focus on Quadrant II).  Living constantly in urgency can cause burnout.  While there are always unexpected situations that require our attention, living in constant urgency causes paralyzing personal and mental stress.  Try balancing the urgent (Quadrant I) with ‘not urgent’ time needs (Quadrant II).  Planning, preparation, reading, and formulating strategies are not necessarily urgent but they will allow you to be prepared for the urgency that will most definitely come your way.  Planning, preparation, and formulating strategies may alleviate stress through proactively.

10.  Learn to say no.  This is one of the most vital tools for managing your time and gaining balance in your life.  It is so simple, yet we get caught in the mindset that there is an obligation for us to fill every moment with activity for some great cause (or at least the great causes of others).  Learning to say ‘no’ provides the time you might need for accomplishing what is vitally important and essential to you as written in your mission.

Peter Lowe, a motivational speaker, says, “Reaching goals is like paying down a 30 year mortgage.  The first few years you pay so little toward the principal it seems like it will take 1,000 years to pay it off…. It is like this with goals.  At first it will seem like you are barely making any progress.  Just preserve and you will accomplish your goals.” (Success Magazine, October 2000).  That is an insightful statement related to mission, goals, and the use of your time.  Try at least one of these suggestions in the week ahead.  Try it for two weeks.  It will seem like paying down a mortgage, but by choosing to use your time wisely, I know you will enjoy less stress and more personal mission achievement.  You have every drop of time there is….use it well.

Blessings to you for these next 14 days.  Drop me a note if this practitioner’s suggestions make a difference…and if they don’t.  I would like to analyze the endeavor with you.  As always, may you experience grace and peace.

David Neidert